Ready to fuck? Maybe you have someone in mind, maybe you’re not quite ready but are curious about how men fuck other men, or maybe you’ve already got a decent idea. Whatever the case, it pays to be in the know so you can have a hot time whenever you get with someone.
Don’t look to porn for guidance, it’s pretty unrealistic and often contains lots of unsafe practices. We’re here to give you the run down on how to fuck responsibly and have a great time! So read on, my friend.
Why Does Anal Sex feel Good?
When you know what you’re doing anal sex feels great for both the top and the bottom. For the top it’s obvious, you’re getting to fuck your partner’s ass which is going to be a pretty sweet time. For the bottom, you’re going to feel stimulation in two ways. The first point of stimulation is at the anal opening where there are lots of nerve endings to respond to your partner sliding his dick in and out. The other spot to keep a feel out for is your prostate. This is sometimes called the male G spot and it’s a gland that controls a lot of your body’s sexual responses, so when it’s getting rubbed by someone’s cock (or fingers or a toy) then it can be pretty epic. It can take some time for your body to adapt to getting fucked, so the first couple of goes will probably feel quite strange.
Consent is really important, and it’s a big part of your preparation for having sex. Sometimes it can be easy to feel pressured into doing things you may not want to, especially if a position starts to get uncomfortable or your partner wants to try something you’re not ready for. It’s really important you make sure you give your consent if you do want to do something, and that you say no to things you don’t want to do, or aren’t ready for. It’s just the same the other way around, make sure you’re respecting your partner and that they are on board with what you want to do. You’ve got the right to back out or ease off at any time and so does your partner.
Before you begin make sure you’ve got condoms and lube ready. If you’ve got any sex toys you want to use get them out as well so they’re at hand when you’re in the moment. When it comes to condoms and lube it’s pretty basic, the main things to keep in mind are to check the expiry date on the condoms, and that you’re using water or silicone based lube. Check out our video guide to lube to get more info.
Keeping clean is important if you want to be having good sex (and for your social life in general). Showering before sex is a great idea, especially when you’re new to hooking up and fucking and you’re not that confident with how your body’s going to work. For bottoms, try keep up a healthy, high fibre diet and you should be perfectly fine. Be sure to wash your cock and ass properly when you shower to avoid any awkward or gross moments for you and your partner. Douching isn’t necessary, but if you’re curious to know more about it check out our douching guide.
If you’ve got sex toys, make sure that you wash them in hot, soapy water before using them, and that all the soap is washed off before drying them. If you’re sharing, make sure to clean them between partners. Using a condom on your toy and changing it between partners is a quick and easy way to keep things clean.
For a really hot session you’ve got to be relaxed, especially if you’re new to it. Foreplay is a great way to get comfortable with your partner and explore what sort of things you are both into. Kissing, massage and sucking each other’s cocks are a good start; just do whatever works for you.
Using sex toys is a really great way to warm yourself up before fucking. There are so many different kinds of toys out there that it can be pretty full on deciding what toys you want to use. With dildos, vibrators, masturbation sleeves, butt plugs, double ended dildos and more to choose from it can take a while to work out what you like. Remember to start off small and work your way up; using lots of lube is a big help. If you don’t want to use toys, that’s fine too.
I'm a Top
When you’re ready to play with his ass it’s important to warm him up. One way is by fingering him. Once you’ve made sure your fingernails are nice and short, put lube on your finger and rub it on the outside of his asshole. If his hole suddenly tightens, don’t worry, it’s the automatic response of a muscle called the sphincter. If this happens, slowly pull your finger out as soon as it tightens, wait 30 seconds, and go back in — each time it’ll be easier.
Always communicate with your partner. If he wants to take a break or stop at any time, he can. His arse, his rules.
If one finger feels good, feel free to move on to more fingers or toys like dildos or vibrators. Make sure the toys have been cleaned thoroughly, that you’re using lube, and that they have a base on them so they aren’t able to go completely inside his butt (you don’t want an embarrassing trip to the hospital when you can’t get it out). There is no natural progression — you can stop whenever you like. Everyone has different limits, and these need to be respected.
I’m a Bottom
When you’re ready for your partner to play with your ass it’s important to get relaxed and warmed up. Get some lube on the finger of the person fingering you and rub it on the outside of your asshole. Your hole might clench up but there’s no need to worry, it’s an automatic response of your body. If this happens, slowly pull out as soon as it tightens, wait 30 seconds, and go back in — each time it’ll be easier.
Make sure you communicate with your partner. If you want to take a break or stop at any time, you can. Your arse, your rules.
If one finger feels good you can move on to more fingers, or toys. Use lots of lube, and make sure any toys have a base on them so they aren’t able to go completely inside your butt (if it goes all the way in you’ll likely need to go to the hospital to get it out so be careful). You can stop whenever you like, everyone has different limits, and these need to be respected.
Putting a Condom On
When you’re both ready it’s time for whoever’s being the top to put on a condom. Make sure you follow these steps:
- Check the use-by date on the packet to make sure it hasn’t expired.
- Tear along the serrated edge of the wrapper.
- Make sure the condom is the right way up.
- Put the condom on the head of your erect dick and squeeze the air out, then roll it down to the base. If you or your partner have a long foreskin, don’t pull it back, because the condom will slide off when your foreskin slides back into place.
You can find a detailed guide to putting on a condom by watching our How to Put on a Condom video.
Get it In: Positions
There are lots of positions you can try, so experiment to find the ones you both like:
You can try doggy style: it’s one of the easiest and most comfortable for lots of guys. The best positions to start with are those where the bottom has maximum control, like sitting on their partner’s cock and gradually lowering onto it. Another popular one is lying side-by-side. If you change positions while you’re still inside your partner, or he’s still inside you, hold onto the base of the condom so it doesn’t slip off.
Get it In: Down to Business
I’m a Top
When his ass is relaxed apply lots of water or silicone based lube to both his hole and your condom-covered cock. When pushing your cock in, take it easy, especially at first. Go slowly. The anal opening is usually quite elastic, and with patience will stretch comfortably. Forced entry or ‘pushing past the pain’ can cause bleeding and tear his sphincter muscles.
The first few times a guy gets fucked, it may take 20 minutes or more, and several attempts, before his hole starts to relax and gets used to the feeling of a cock inside it. If your partner is having trouble taking your cock, get him to push out slightly as you enter him - it makes it easier.
A big pleasure spot is when your dick rubs against his prostate, which could feel a bit strange for him at first. Pressure is least intense in the side-by-side position, or fucking him lying face down. It’s most intense when he has his legs up over his head.
I’m a Bottom
Take it easy at first; go slowly. The anal opening is quite durable and with patience will stretch comfortably. Don’t try to push past the pain, as this can cause bleeding or damage your sphincter muscles.
The first few times you get fucked it may take 20 minutes or more before your hole relaxes and gets used to the feeling of a cock inside it. If your partner is having trouble getting his cock in, push out slightly as he enters you.
If his dick hits the G spot in your ass the pressure on the prostate gland might make you feel as if you want to pee. It can also feel uncomfortable afterwards, and you might feel like sitting on the toilet for a while. These sensations are mostly an illusion; your body got the message that your ass felt full, and reacted accordingly. After a while your body will adapt and learn to separate these sensations from the real ones.
The pressure on your prostate is least intense in the side-by side position, or being fucked lying face down. It’s most intense when you’re being fucked with your legs up over your head. It’s up to you to choose the position you enjoy most.
Getting it Right
Be sure to check that the condom is still intact while you’re fucking or being fucked. If you’re a bottom, feel for the condom as your partner is moving in and out of your ass.
I’m a Top
After you’ve come, remember to hold onto the condom as you pull out. Get rid of your used condom by putting it in the rubbish bin rather than flushing it down the toilet.
What to do if you come into contact with HIV?
If you think that you have come into contact with a sexually transmitted infection (STI) organise getting tested immediately. Our good friends at the New Zealand AIDS Foundation (NZAF) provide free HIV test results in 20 minutes.
If your sexual partner is HIV positive and you are exposed to HIV during sex, you should visit the emergency department of your local hospital as soon as possible. You can be started on PEP – a 28 day course of anti-HIV medication that may be able to prevent you from getting infected.
PEP needs to be taken within 72 hours of exposure to be effective, and can only be prescribed if your partner has disclosed that they are living with HIV, or in cases of sexual assault. Evidence shows that while PEP can reduce the chance of becoming infected with HIV, it is not as effective as using condoms and lube for sex. So it presents an extra safety net in the case of a condom breaking, but is not a replacement for condom use.
There is some data that suggests PEP will work, but there have also been cases where it has failed. The efficacy of PEP varies depending on issues such as the delay between exposure and treatment and the viral load of the person who has HIV at the time of exposure. You can find out more about HIV at NZAF.